He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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