Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
