I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
