thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
