I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
