I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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