The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize