Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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