I bet he comes in French.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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