every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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