before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
