well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
