so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
