We got so high we made milksteak
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
