Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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