So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You work out of a Hotel?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
