He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
