Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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