Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
