My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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