it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
