He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
