I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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