He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When did angry sex become our thing?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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