Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
