We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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