My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize