i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
