the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
