Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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