wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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