Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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