everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
