Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize