The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
