I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
