When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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