There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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