in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm always down for nudity.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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