Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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