i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
