I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
