My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
