does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
