One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
