sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
