my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
