I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
