Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
