omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
