Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
