she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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