Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
