peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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