brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My vagina is officially offended.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
