So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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