I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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