Michael Bay diarrhea
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
