i think my tv is drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
