It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize