You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
