cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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