You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
