My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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